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Thread: Maelrawn the Tentacular, the Church Begins [Tidehunter]

  1. #1
    Basic Member KevinCorporation's Avatar
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    Maelrawn the Tentacular, the Church Begins [Tidehunter]

    Praise the almighty church of Maelrawn the Tentacular!
    May he have mercy on our souls.

    All hail, all worship Maelrawn, our one true abyssal God!
    The eddies of our puny, vertebrae minds cannot hope to understand his tentacles!

    Hail Maelrawn, the one who cracked the shell of the world and created the first whirlpool!
    Praise Maelrawn the tentacular, the lurker of the deep, may his enemies be sucked down in spirals!

    May his tentacles guide me, for I am blind and lost.
    May his beak speak the wisdom of the deep to me, for I am lame and empty.
    May none escape the spirals, the pull of his waves, for they are undeserving of his mercy.
    Not even the land may save them for the Tentacular's reach knows no end.
    May the whirlpool grow to encompass the denizens of the shallows and beyond, may their corpses make sufficient substance for Maelrawn's beak.

    Erase those who do not submit, for Maelrawn the Tentacular is the ruler of the deep, lurker of the whirlpool, the one whose beak cracked the shell of this planet, the one whose reach is infinite, the one who the tides recede too, the one who the eddies swirl for, the one the spirals lead to, the one the deep listens to, the one who stalks the shallows, the one, true abyssal God, the one whose mercy we can only hope to have.

    Are you with me, do you worship the one true ruler?
    So ends the first preaching of the Church of the Tentacular, our lord, Maelrawn.
    Last edited by slowreflex; 03-03-2012 at 05:02 AM.
    Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

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    Valve Developer Lamprey's Avatar
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    While I worship at this church, you risk typographic blasphemy: It's Maelrawn. May the tentacular one go easy on you. (Also, ignore the ravings of the heretic Maelrawn Hubbard.)

  3. #3
    Basic Member KevinCorporation's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lamprey View Post
    While I worship at this church, you risk typographic blasphemy: It's Maelrawn. May the tentacular one go easy on you. (Also, ignore the ravings of the heretic Maelrawn Hubbard.)
    Oh dear my abyssal lord! Please be humble in your punishment. I am not fit to clean your beak.
    With haste I have corrected my spelling.
    Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

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  4. #4
    Volunteer Moderator Hefaistus's Avatar
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    Water and whirlpools, you say?
    Technology and steel till my dying day!
    In the name of rational methodologies and science,
    I stand here in defiance!
    With knowledge the goal of my eternal search,
    I reject your preposterous church!
    In a battle of the wits,
    Your god better call it quits!

    Come now, Tinkers of the world,
    stop the waters from being whirled!
    Collect, Scientists of the new dawn,
    And keep these lost souls from becoming poor pawns!
    Stay headstrong, people of physics and inventions,
    Not only here, but across all dimensions!

    It is clear now,
    To whom we shall not bow.
    It is the Tentacular one,
    That I shall shun!
    I stand firm in my opposition,
    It is all part of my cognition!

    My message has been said, now don't call me an accuser,
    But in every meeting of minds, there must be a loser.
    To keep these forums clean and friendly, please read and follow the forum rules.
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  5. #5
    Valve Developer Lamprey's Avatar
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    If only all cultural clashes were conducted in verse.

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    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. #7
    Volunteer Moderator Hefaistus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lamprey View Post
    If only all cultural clashes were conducted in verse.
    Indeed, it would make all conflicts quite diverse.

    Alas, it should not be so as the Tentacular one will not be kind.
    I do feel his presence coming near, it makes me feel like I'm in a bind.

    A god, I have insulted. An ancient, I have offended.
    Perhaps I am getting more, then I had originally intended.

    As the fight comes ever closer, I will stick to my guns.
    With a barrel full of lead, I will make sure that Maelrawn runs.

    Quote Originally Posted by GreenMarine View Post
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    It is very true, and while it is my prime,
    You did not give me much with which to rhyme.

    Look up and I am sure you will see,
    I rhymed to Lamprey's reply, quite sneakily.

    My tale is not yet done. My rhyming will go on.
    I will await the reply of the Tentacular's spawn.
    To keep these forums clean and friendly, please read and follow the forum rules.
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  8. #8
    Basic Member KevinCorporation's Avatar
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    Metals and wires all share the same flaws,
    All of which are unleashed by the maws,
    From the beak of Maelrawn, the spirals
    he's commanding,
    Come the salt of seas and water unending.

    Unjust it is for science will not answer your plea,
    There is no hope, for one cannot contain the sea.
    The tide will bring corrosion and rust
    And by times end all you will have is dust.

    So praise our lord, the abyssal God,
    For he is the answer, not science, the fraud!
    Repent and beg for his mercy or fear,
    The never-ending torments of those you hold dear.

    Be wary of his tentacles, they both save and destroy,
    He is the lurker of the whirlpool, both sadness and joy.
    Knowledge and wisdom cannot hope to understand,
    The mind and machinations of one none can command.

    Science and thought, all used for force,
    Down with the spirals is your only course!
    In the church of the Tentacular you can find peace,
    With the chosen of Maelrawn, his holy priest.

    I come from the tide with open arms,
    I desire naught but to save you from harms.
    Maelrawn the Tentacular, a friend indeed,
    He comes to us in our time of need.

    Do not oppose him, there need not be pain,
    Accept him, and happiness we all will claim.
    Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

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    Best thread on these boards in a very long time.

  10. #10
    Basic Member Diabolic's Avatar
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    Posting in an epic thread.

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