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Rigwarl the Bristleback (my attempt)

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  • #16
    Originally posted by HMAN911 View Post
    What was so special about 'this' bristleback? You need to include a cause for why BB the hero is different to the rest of his species if he is special like your lore describes. I would rather class them as low intelligence yet still fairly humanoid race. Bristleback will almost certainly be able to talk in the game, he can hold a weapon and can dress himself.
    If i explain absolutly everything in a logical way then my text would fail, bad. The lore between every hero is suppose to be mysterious and short. If you read the other (hero) lore texts then you see that they are poetic and lacking in logic.

    Originally posted by HMAN911 View Post
    I would suggest exploring perhaps the following themes:

    -mad moon fragment presence. It is an integral part of the lore at this point. It is known to have extraordinary properties. It could have accelarated the evolution of the bristlebacks.

    -clan tragedy. The bristlebacks could be a group of tribal primitive creatures that are struck by the war between the dire and radiant. He could be out for revenge.

    -appointed champion. Rigwarl could be the selected warrior of a long line of badass warrior bristlebacks, renowned for their combat abilities. He has been appointed by his tribe as the champion of the Bristlebacks to represent them in the struggle between the two sides.
    I am not going to rewrite my text and make it into another story for the cuase of stranger just brainstorming forth lore ideas. If you want to see those ideas be written down, you would have to write it on your own.
    Last edited by Ragekeeper; 04-13-2012, 01:10 PM.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Ragekeeper View Post
      I am not going to rewrite my text and make it into another story for the cuase of stranger just brainstorming forth lore ideas. If you want to see those ideas be written down, you would have to write it on your own.
      Hmm I think your forgetting...

      Originally posted by Ragekeeper View Post
      Please post what you think of reading this. Was it reasonable? Was it fitting for the hero? Could it be added as the official lore? Yes/No/Why?

      Go ahead, if you like it, feel free to say it, as it would support it by people liking it (and give feedback).
      The keywords being; Give feedback (and if you aren't gonna act on the feedback you receive then what is the point of asking for it?), It seems you are very protective of your work and are very resistant to change but that is understandable since (I am guessing) alot of effort when into thinking up the concept and writing it up. However you must remember that your ideas are not pure gold all the time and maybe someone can give you a fresh perspective on things. You asked; 'Could it be added as the official lore?', well, not really because you either can't be bothered or are too frighted to change your lore. Aren't convinced this is the case? Just look at the 'official' lore even those are being changed all the time.

      Originally posted by Ragekeeper View Post
      If i explain absolutly everything in a logical way then my text would fail, bad. The lore between every hero is suppose to be mysterious and short. If you read the other (hero) lore texts then you see that they are poetic and lacking in logic.
      I agree at the 'mysterious' part but don't throw logic out the window! If you read HMAN's post all he asks is 'What makes Rigwarl stand out from all the other Britlebacks?' since he is supposed to be a hero. Obviously you would point to the fact he is abnormally intelligent and curious however I would side with HMAN and say 'Is that it?' because in my mind this is the scenario;
      'The piece of the mad moon chooses its champions in order to destroy the opposite fragment, to do this it summons the most epic and fearsome heroes in existence: Dark seer, an exiled strategist from an exotic land, Razor, he who guides the dead to their final destinations, Nature's prophet, the lord of all trees, Doombringer, the ****ing Devil, and Riqwarl... a bristleback who is the smartest in his tribe...'. I dunno, make him more heroic or anti-heroic... or interesting (since you spent too much time focusing on the bristlebacks but not on Rigwarl himself).
      Last edited by DJ HaVoC; 04-14-2012, 09:41 AM.
      Fan-made Lores created by myself:

      Rooftrellen (Treant Protector)

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      • #18
        THIS is feedback (above).

        I am very satisfied that i finally got a good guy writting just what i wanted.

        Originally posted by DJ HaVoC View Post
        The keywords being; Give feedback (and if you aren't gonna act on the feedback you receive then what is the point of asking for it?), It seems you are very protective of your work and are very resistant to change but that is understandable since (I am guessing) alot of effort when into thinking up the concept and writing it up. However you must remember that your ideas are not pure gold all the time and maybe someone can give you a fresh perspective on things. You asked; 'Could it be added as the official lore?', well, not really because you either can't be bothered or are too frighted to change your lore. Aren't convinced this is the case? Just look at the 'official' lore even those are being changed all the time.

        Yes i am very overprotective, cuase i got reasons to. First of all they did not explain the "why", and the "reasoning" why i should follow their suggestions. I wanted them to say it but they never really did. They did not quote my questions and answer them straight up forward directly either.

        I have nothing against changing the text aslong as they explain why i should do it and why the change would work. Which they never mentioned, unfortunely.

        Originally posted by DJ HaVoC View Post
        I agree at the 'mysterious' part but don't throw logic out the window! If you read HMAN's post all he asks is 'What makes Rigwarl stand out from all the other Britlebacks?' since he is supposed to be a hero. Obviously you would point to the fact he is abnormally intelligent and curious however I would side with HMAN and say 'Is that it?' because in my mind this is the scenario;
        'The piece of the mad moon chooses its champions in order to destroy the opposite fragment, to do this it summons the most epic and fearsome heroes in existence: Dark seer, an exiled strategist from an exotic land, Razor, he who guides the dead to their final destinations, Nature's prophet, the lord of all trees, Doombringer, the ****ing Devil, and Riqwarl... a bristleback who is the smartest in his tribe...'. I dunno, make him more heroic or anti-heroic... or interesting (since you spent too much time focusing on the bristlebacks but not on Rigwarl himself).
        I am not going to throw out the logic out of the window, don't worry, it's just that they were eager for more of it, to much of it infact. I did not want to explain everything that was not told and make it all logic. There must be a balance between the two, mystery & logic.

        When i looked in to this hero and started to write about it, for me it looked like a sort of animal and animals are species and species have a population, right? So i made the Bristlebacks as a specie, with a population. The warcraft 3 model of the hero were just an animal with a mace, and it was just a regular looking mace to. So i decided to explain the species characteristic and make it the source of his abilities. Then later in the text i gave Rigwarl character and made it different to the rest of his kind. From what i have read in the lore of the heroes in Dota 2, there are not many texts that include the hero & anti-hero in it, it's just a lore text of their past mostly explaining how they got "here".

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        • #19
          Bristlebacks in Dota 2 will be a somewhat intelligent race, because rigwarl will speak, dress himself and carry things in his hands and use them as tools. Your lore describes them as wild animals. Your lore, to me, is more like an encyclopedia explanation of what a bristleback is. Then there is this 'special' rigwarl that is just much more intelligent than the rest. That simply does not make sense. Monkeys dont occasionally give birth to monkeys that can talk and dress themselves. Something needs to have happened. There is no drama or intrigue in your story.

          Your lore in short: There are these bristlebacks and there is one that is somehow a LOT smarter than the rest and he is really curious and now fighting for the radiant. Why does he fight? Curiosity is not an explanation as to why he would join a war.

          I posted suggestions as IDEAS that could be explored - I didnt demand that you change your lore. You can like it the way it is, and that's fine. You have, however, asked for feedback and I took the time to think about this and give you my thoughts - you dont need to be so defensive.

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          • #20
            Its fairly generic and bland.

            It doesn't really explain any of the potentially interesting aspects that others have mentioned above but you got offended about.

            I think the ability explaining is pretty pointless and seems forced and the intelligence gain thing is generally contrieved and not really a relevent factor for basing a large part of your lore text on.

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            • #21
              I actually quite like how this almost reads as a "report" on the Bristleback species, instead of focusing on the actual hero. It's a lore style that hasn't been tried yet, and apart from Centaur I can't think of a more fitting "wild animal" type hero that would suit it.

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