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Viper

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  • Viper

    Familiar of an underworld wizard who captured and "tamed" him, Viper was curiously glad to have been sprung from the sealed and unchanging subterranean Nether Reaches where his race had lived for millions of years, after tectonic slippage had sealed them off in luminous caverns. He spent some time appearing to submit to the wizard's enchainments, while learning what he could of dark magic. But he soon realized that few magics were as deadly as the toxins that were his birthright, so he casually stung the old mage to death, slipped free of his cage, and flapped out to get a look at the greater world.

  • #2
    By Viper's own admission the wizard doesn't really do anything and Viper's own race seems to still be stuck in an underground cavern. That just leaves Viper being curious as the only trait I feel that I can take away from the story. Nothing about it really grabs my attention.

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    • #3
      How does Viper sting stuff? It can bite and poison things but Viper does not have a sting. And does this actually mean there is a whole race of Vipers living underground? Kinda takes away from the Viper's uniqueness.

      Comment


      • #4
        Is he hunting wizards now? Hatred against his "maker" wanting vengeance on all wizards... is a far more convincing stoy... in this story he's a pet... sure he get's to learn some dark magic... which proves useless... there are several other vipers... but those are just locked up in some weird place.

        This story is lacking Emotion imho.

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        • #5
          It's too vanilla. If I remember venomancers story, it seemed like some Biologist dude was messing around in the jungle and got bitten and his whole body was mishapen into crazy veno. Thats a cool story. I think it would be cooler if viper somehow slipped out of his subterranean home while he was young before it was destroyed or something, then maybe he was captured and abused by the wizard man, and he studied the guys magic, learned what a vile corrosive creature he was, sprayed acid on his cage and annihilated the dude. Then the twisted creature by his own free will started traveling around killing stuff.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Quicksilva View Post
            It's too vanilla. If I remember venomancers story, it seemed like some Biologist dude was messing around in the jungle and got bitten and his whole body was mishapen into crazy veno. Thats a cool story. I think it would be cooler if viper somehow slipped out of his subterranean home while he was young before it was destroyed or something, then maybe he was captured and abused by the wizard man, and he studied the guys magic, learned what a vile corrosive creature he was, sprayed acid on his cage and annihilated the dude. Then the twisted creature by his own free will started traveling around killing stuff.
            That has emotion :P

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Quicksilva View Post
              It's too vanilla. If I remember venomancers story, it seemed like some Biologist dude was messing around in the jungle and got bitten and his whole body was mishapen into crazy veno. Thats a cool story. I think it would be cooler if viper somehow slipped out of his subterranean home while he was young before it was destroyed or something, then maybe he was captured and abused by the wizard man, and he studied the guys magic, learned what a vile corrosive creature he was, sprayed acid on his cage and annihilated the dude. Then the twisted creature by his own free will started traveling around killing stuff.
              I like this iteration of the story. He doesn't have to be young when he was captured though...sounds like artificial drama.

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              • #8
                that Wizard is aghanim?

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                • #9
                  Definitely needs something to emphasize Viper's unique-ness and personality.

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                  • #10
                    As many pointed out, Viper's story makes it seems like he's one of many and not at all unique or remarkable.

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                    • #11
                      Right now, it seems like there is nothing evil inside Viper, nothing that would be a reason for him to actually contribute to the great war between radiant and dire. It kind of seems like he doesn't really want to be there fighting, he is only trying to explore the world?

                      I think it should be something like he managed to kill the old man after torture (as already stated) and developed a hatred against the world he is now living in. That would be a reason why he starts killing stuff.
                      SEARCH FUNCTION, SEARCH FUNCTION, SEARCH FUNCTION. DAMNIT.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by eNTe_eXe View Post
                        Right now, it seems like there is nothing evil inside Viper, nothing that would be a reason for him to actually contribute to the great war between radiant and dire. It kind of seems like he doesn't really want to be there fighting, he is only trying to explore the world?

                        I think it should be something like he managed to kill the old man after torture (as already stated) and developed a hatred against the world he is now living in. That would be a reason why he starts killing stuff.
                        Good Suggestion

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Something needs to be added saying he has a violent disposition... why else would he randomly kill the man taking care of him... moreover why participate in a war which has nothing to deal with him.

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                          • #14
                            Something needs to be added saying he has a violent disposition... why else would he randomly kill the man taking care of him... moreover why participate in a war which has nothing to deal with him.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              ^the wizard thought he could control him so clearly he was intended as a servant.

                              as for his motivation, maybe he just likes to kill people. that could be the reason his race is locked in a dimensional hole.

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