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Thread: The Creation of The World (i would love some feedback)

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    Post The Creation of The World (i would love some feedback)

    Here my version of why the heroes in dota are fighting each other:

    In the beginning there was no trees, rivers, valleys, creatures, or even time. In this mist and turmoil of creation a small gathering of spirits was present and talked to each other. Not in the tongue that spoken by the keen folk, the Slithereens, or even the Sovereign Demons. But speakting in a tongue long forgotten, as it was told by the eldars of this world.

    There was four of them. The spirit of water, Cancolos, the kindest of all and had the water creatures and walkers on icy lands as kindred. All the was good and clean came from her.

    The spirit of earth, Tauros, had fate in his hands. Shaping the fate of everyone in the world and even shaping the world itself.

    The Spirit of air, Libralos, was the wisest of all, and gave the creatures in the world knowledge and the power of thoughts.

    The spirit of fire, Ariol, he brought wildness and fury into this world.

    Last of the spirits was the spirit of things beyond and heavenly constellations, Aethos.

    The five of them was gathered and spoke of the things to come and of a world their conversations often wandered to. A world where the five elements created beings of their will. Where earth will part that waters and fire will blase through the lands on its own will.

    They had little ida of how to create such a world, therefore they sought council. They gathered at the end of the great stairs and looked up. It was no other than the great being, the omniscience Emauracus, he was no spirit like the others and he glowed stronger than they.

    They bowed in front of him, kneeling with awe and admiration. Airol said: "Here we stand before you. We are in great need of your help. Your Grace.". Emauracus saw down on the five spirits and said "I've have seen it my self, i have seen your visions in my own mind. And i like what i was seeing." The four spirits looked up at him but saw nothing but a bright glow. Emauracus continued: "I will grant you the powers, for you have each the skill of bringing a part of the world into being."

    And so it was that the world was created, the spirits gave it the name of Gaia. And in Gaia there was four realms, Melenar, Razhul, Gonfel, and Para.

    Melenar was a realm of peace, where animals and other creations was living. This realm was home of the spirit of air, Libralos. Were you to travel far north is this realm you would reach the island of Augury. The eldars spoke of a great battle taken place on this island, between the spirits Tauros and Cancolos. When the island was done it created a safe passage from Melenar to Gonfel. Cancolos saw what Tauros had made and was angered by it. South on the island he summoned the spirit of earth, and spoke to him: "..." (in progress)

    Razhul was a mountainous realm north east of Melenar, peaks was higher here than in any other realms. This was mainly the work Touros, the spirit of earth.

    Gonfel was a land covered in ice north west of Melenar, and the spirit water, Cancolos, walked these lands.

    Last was the land of Para. This realm was south of Melenar and scorched to the ground. Foul creatures roamed these lands, and rarely wandered of into Melenar. This was the Creation of the fire spirit Ariol.

    Aethos saw the creations of the other spirits and was drawn by the beauty of the creations, and grew jealous. He created the heavenly realm of Claszureme, and filled it with his hate and terror of Gaia.

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    Basic Member Justinian of Hattes's Avatar
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    Dota already has a creation story and it's nothing like this.


    "I'm all for moderation, but sometimes it seems, moderation itself can be a kind of extreme."

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    It just seems so...deep, nothing at all like the original lore. The story might be pleasing to high fantasy readers, myself included, but most players aren't fans of that genre. Which is why the original creation story is rather generic and easy to understand.

    My other primary criticism would be the names. If you look at the names on the original lore, it's composed of simple names (Radiant and Dire) or easily understandable (Abzidian, taken from the word obsidian). While Tauros and Ariol are somewhat straightforward, the others are rather confusing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Isangman0 View Post
    It just seems so...deep, nothing at all like the original lore. The story might be pleasing to high fantasy readers, myself included, but most players aren't fans of that genre. Which is why the original creation story is rather generic and easy to understand.

    My other primary criticism would be the names. If you look at the names on the original lore, it's composed of simple names (Radiant and Dire) or easily understandable (Abzidian, taken from the word obsidian). While Tauros and Ariol are somewhat straightforward, the others are rather confusing.
    Nice to find a fellow fantasy-fan The meaning of all this is to give the heroes a reason to fight, a purpose of why they fight. I am to add the next bit in a few days. Here im going to add the dota 2 lore about abzidian and the mad moon.

    (but why was there a mad moon?)
    In my story the mad moon was created by Aethos (the spirit of heavenly beings), out of his jealousy of the world se saw the other spirits made.


    ___
    About the names i found names in the dota 2 lore and the spirits names is taken from the elements

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    I don't really see anything wrong with the current creation story of the game. The universe went Big Bang courtesy of the Primordials, the Titans (specifically Elder Titan) shaped the planes and stuff, and a bunch gods got tired of two of their kind constantly bickering that they sealed them into a moon.

    http://dev.dota2.com/showthread.php?t=7266

    But it's your story, and they never really did elaborate on any of the names of the Primordials.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Isangman0 View Post
    I don't really see anything wrong with the current creation story of the game. The universe went Big Bang courtesy of the Primordials, the Titans (specifically Elder Titan) shaped the planes and stuff, and a bunch gods got tired of two of their kind constantly bickering that they sealed them into a moon.

    http://dev.dota2.com/showthread.php?t=7266

    But it's your story, and they never really did elaborate on any of the names of the Primordials.
    okay then consider it as a fan story then

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