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Thread: A little Chapter i wrote on DotA

  1. #1
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    A little Chapter i wrote on DotA

    Hello everyone,

    some days ago I wrote some sort of a reading example for what I was hoping could become the first book on DotA. I thought this might be a pretty good idea for it would help new players find into the game easier, and would still be fun to read for those who already are familiar with all the heroes. With all my hopes up, I mailed it to Gabe Newell and also was pretty annoying to some other people working at Valve :-)
    Yet, Valve declined. The sad thing is that I can totally understand their arguments, so this post here is NOT ment to blame them in any way! Again, I respect their decision to the fullest. (Though I still think they're missing out on something^^)

    On the other hand: What to do with the reading example I already wrote? If I already wrote it, why not alteast share it with the community?
    So here I am, presenting you the first chapter - the prologue, if you will, of the story I imagined.
    Note here that I am from germany! I translated it all by myself, yet my skills in english are far from being good enough to actually write a book in it. Be kind if you find any mistakes! ;-)
    Another thing I think I should mention: I already know that I did bend the rules of DotA a tiny bit at some point, which, first of all, can be seen as the freedom of the author, and second, would have made sense for I'd have those "missings" be explained within the story later on, so then again they make sense.

    Thats enough of me, here you go:


    Defense of the Ancients
    Prologue

    Lyralei ran. Without slowing down, she left the street and dived into the shadows of the forest which looked like a dark, malign wall in front of an equally dark sky. Her bare feet barely touched the ground, only the gentle sound of leaves and twigs that she stepped on was heard while she jumped over rocks, leaped over fallen trees and ducked beneath low-hanging branches. Her long red hair and her green cloak fluttered wildly in the warm night air, but the heat was not enough to dispel the cold that had possessed her.
    Had she been seen? She couldnít tell. All she knew was that she had to do it back to the town at all costs. Child's play, you would think. No one was faster than Lyralei, a fact due to which she had been given the name Windrunner. Nevertheless - the feeling of not being alone, of not rushing lonely beneath the full disc of the moon through the woods of the Radiant has been growing with every step she took.
    She had to make it. She had to report what she had seen.
    A hissing flame burst right out of the air next to her, only three steps away. For just a tiny moment, the forest was enlightened, as the light of the flames hit the trunks of ancient trees and moss-covered stones, shadows twitched before they again fused together just as quickly as they had appeared. Wood burst, somewhere behind her. The splintering of the trunks sounded unnaturally loud in the nightly silence of the forest. To Lyralei, the creaking sounds of falling trees sounded like a cry of the forest itself. Something big had taken up her scent, and it was fast. Her pursuer did not even bother to approach her cautiously, but seemed to be confident enough to break right through the undergrowth. Cackling, mocking laughter alongside mingled with the sounds of destruction that were heard behind her. Whoever was ruthlessly breaking through the woods, he was approaching fast.
    Lyralei smiled involuntarily, her yellow eyes flashed defiantly. It was time to prove why she had been awarded with the name Windrunner.
    The wind around her awoke hissing, streamed around her legs, drove her forward. Leaves, which had already been abandoned by the wind and, like a carpet, covered the forest floor, were kicked up again, as Lyralei rushed between the trunks, even faster than before. The cackling laughter stopped abruptly.
    Not so the raging destruction that seemingly unstoppable was breaking its way right through the forest. Even now, with having the wind itself assist her, whatever was chasing her, it came closer. Bright, bluish light shined through the trees behind her, her pursuer roared. It was a dark, bloodthirsty roar, its sound alone was a promise of death. Against all reason Lyralei threw a glance over her shoulder. Not more than two dozen steps separated her from a massive, bear-like creature that struck through the trees, without even being slowed down. The bluish light came from some kind of morning star in its right hand, but his mane too seemed to glow in the dark.
    The creature was faster than her. Her fingers wrapped the handle of her bow so tightly that the knuckles were white. Only a few steps, then the creature would have caught up. Though she never would have thought of being chased by someone faster than even her, Lyralei was prepared.
    With her left foot, she landed on a fallen log. As soon as she felt the gnarled bark under her bare foot, she already repelled. With the right foot, she landed on a slanting tree, jumped further up and landed on top of a rock. Only two steps and she had reached the opposite edge.
    It was as if the darkness itself had given her a blow to the head. Lyralei screamed in surprise and pain. She stumbled, threatened to lose her balance. Even though she immediately regained control, her speed was gone. Way too slow she pushed herself away from the edge, landed three steps deeper in the grass and looked back.
    "There is no escape", it growled behind her from the darkness. Something moved beside the rock. Another creature, whose dark blue, almost black body even at this distance was barely discernible in the pale light of the moon, came out from between two trees. Two giant, armed with blood-red talons wings were sticking out of the creatures back. "No one can stand against me in the night."
    "Oh yeah?" Lyralei stood up, seemingly calm, her right hand slowly moved towards her quiver. She was sure that the creature could very well see her movement, but a strange torpor had spread to her legs. There was no way she would be able to outrun them like this.
    Wildly roaring broke the creature right through the stone, its red glowing eyes fixed Lyralei like a predator fixes a helpless deer. At this distance, her hunter seemed more like a bull, two giant horns grew out of its forehead. His shoulders and the entire upper body were protected by an armor, his mane blowing over his back like blue flames. It didnít seem to even perceive the winged creature, but rushed straight for Lyralei. Thatís what she had been hoping for.
    Quick as a flash she pulled an arrow from her quiver and whispered a magical word. Just when her lips had formed the last syllable, glowing light spread over the shaft until the entire arrow shone. But instead of firing the arrow with her bow, she threw it.
    Not even three steps separated her from the bluish shining being when the arrow hit its chest. Lyraleis eyes flashed triumphantly. Golden threads shot out from the arrow, spread around the creatureís body and accomplished what dozens of trees and rocks couldnít. The rush of the creature stopped. It yelled furiously and tried to tear the bonds, but Lyraleis magical ropes withstood even its tremendous power. But that wasnít even all. The dark winged creature behind didnít have time to react when golden threads detached, shot up to her and tied her up together with the other creature. It screamed in anger, trying to rip the ropes that bound them both and made them unable to move.
    "I'm still a step ahead of you", cried Lyralei to the winged creature and turned away. Wild curses and bloodthirsty roar resounded behind her, but the ropes would hold long enough to allow her to escape. Her legs still felt weak, so she again summoned up the wind. With this, she was fast enough to make it to back to the town.
    Wolf howl scattered the silence that only just returned to her, a shadow moved in the thicket to her left. Only thanks to her reflexes Lyralei could duck just in time to avoid the massive body that suddenly broke out of the darkness and attacked her. Teeth, each one as long as her fingers, snapping just where her shoulder had been a second ago, the wolf missed her by a hair and crashed into a tree behind her. She had no time to rejoice in her happiness. A second shadow detached itself out of the thicket right in front of her. Again, she managed to avoid by turning at the last moment, but the tail of the wolf slapped her face and blocked her vision for just a second. With grim satisfaction she heard the wolf howl painfully and would have loved to turn around. Two quick arrows and both of the wolves would be dead.
    Yet this time, it was her who got surprised. A third wolf, larger than even the previous two together, jumped at her from the front and tackled her. The force of the impact forced the air out of her lungs, her head banged painfully against a root, and darkness covered her eyes.
    Something heavy pressed onto her chest. She opened her eyes just in time to see how the huge wolf ripped her throat with a single bite.

    "First Blood", Banehallow growled as he reached the other hunters. "But certainly not the last." He had assumed his human body, protected by a black and red armor. Blood dripped from his fangs and the steel claws that protruded from the front of his armor bracers. The two wolves ran left and right of him, and glanced at the waiting figures with hungry eyes. Their mouths were smeared with blood, but a simple human woman would have been an adequate seizure for only one of them.
    "That did not go as expected", grumbled Barathrum. The Spirit Breaker waved around his bluish bright morning star, his red eyes glittered murderously. "But the peace is broken here. Once I find a fighter of the Radiant, I will break both his spirit and his back. " "It's finally time to eat." Balanar the Night Stalker spread his wings and sucked in the night air. "After all this time, I cannot wait to feast on the flesh of the Radiant."
    Banehallow looked at him dismissively. "You will need to wait, Balanar. We ...Ē he paused, as flames enlightened the night. A shadow, barely perceptible before the blackness of the trees, hurried around them, yet the smell was obvious. "Clinkz," he growled into the darkness, "you bloody pile of bones. Show yourself, or I let the wolves have you. "
    The shadow approached them, stopped beside Balanar and let out a cackling laugh. White bones appeared in the air, as Clinkz, the Bone Fletcher, gave up his invisibility. Two long horns stacked out of his skeleton skull, behind the bare ribs burned a demonic fire. Though his entire body was made of bones, he wore both gloves and shoes. A bow, also consisting entirely of bones, was held loosely in his hand.
    "Go ahead", he said, voraciously eyeing the wolves out of his empty eye sockets. He was just as big as one of them, reaching only up to Banehallows chest. "My arrows are loose. They didnít get drilled through a body of flesh for quite some time. "
    "Enough of this, all of you." A fifth figure detached itself from the surrounding trees and approached them. "You've had a long enough time to fight each other. But just as soon as you are free to go out and kill Radiant, in a world in which is filled with enemies worth fighting, you start fighting amongst yourselves." Ostarion, the Skeleton King, looked at every single of them. Just as Clinkz, his entire body was only bones, yet he even surpassed Banehallow by almost half a head. A dark red cape with gold fringe, black boots and a black tank with gold decorations on his right arm was all he was wearing for clothes, but he was holding a huge sword in his right hand.
    Banehallow noticed how Clinkz 'eyes flicked to the gray crown which rested on Ostarions head, but the Bone Fletcher seemed the only one to be intimidated by the presence of the skeleton king. Both Barathrum and Balanar seemed ready to unleash their pent-up anger both at the Dire fighters or anyone else unlucky enough to be found by them.
    "When will the first Creeps be sent out? ď Banehallow asked Ostarion before anyone else had the time to start the fighting. Not because he wanted to avoid a fight, but because he got tired of fighting amongst the Dire. Ostarion was right; tearing the throat of a Radiant was by far the more satisfying feeling.
    "Shortly after sunrise, thatís at least what the magician told me", said Ostarion. "And from that time, until the last of the Radiant is dead. Until their Ancient lies shattered before our feet. "
    "Cursed Wizard", hissed Balanar. "Another day to wait until I can tear flesh and crush bones."
    "There are plenty of animals in the forest, and no one there to disturb you." Barathrum let out a satisfied grunt. "Finally I get to kill. Iíve waited for two hundred years, only for that moment."
    "Keep storming carelessly on your opponent like that and you'll be the next to be killed." Banehallow walked past them, ignoring all of their angry glances. "Tomorrow begins the hunt. And I will kill anyone who gets between me and my prey."

    Silence returned to the clearing. Yet not that kind of silence that seemed to be everywhere and yet was filled with the presence of countless creatures that moved seemingly invisible in the shadows. It was a cruel silence. The forest itself seemed to hold his breath, remaining motionless, tense, until the intruders had left him for good.
    None of them had noticed the tree that had suddenly appeared on the edge of the clearing. Whose top turned as if it was gazing after them as they left the clearing to the north. Green eyes glowed at the furrowed bark when the tree detached itself from the embrace of the forest and left the clearing, heading south. His footsteps sounded heavy as he went back to the way on which he had come. Leaves grew on his shoulders, with his slightly bent stride his gnarled arms floated close above the ground. Even his head looked like a tree stump, long roots sprouted from his chin like a beard.
    Rooftrellen the Treant Protector was old. Older even than most of the trees that grew in the forest. But for the first time in his long life he was in a hurry. With rapid strides he trudged to the spot where he had seen the first of the Dire. To the point where the bloody, barely recognizable remains of Lyralei the Windrunner lay between the thick roots of an oak tree. Rooftrellen had liked her. She often came to him in the forest. Not because of the trees themselves, but because of the wind which played in their leaves.
    "I have not been able to protect you", growled the old Treant Protector. He had sensed the destruction, heard the silent cries of the trees, when this creature, Barathrum, bashed his way through them. But when the Protector had finally arrived, Lyralei was already dead. With growing horror he had approached the group in the clearing of the trees, and his terror had grown with every spoken word.
    "After life comes death", he murmured as he buried Lyraleis body between the roots of the tree. "But from death arises new life." He put a little seed in the ground. In a few years from this seed a new tree would grow. Then he would stand next to the tree and watch as the wind played in the treetops. "Everything as it should be." Rooftrellen turned, strode to the city. "Your death will not be in vain, Windrunner. I will report that the Dire Ancient is burning again."
    Last edited by kamusaki; 09-05-2012 at 03:31 AM.

  2. #2
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    A book on DotA

    5 carry Dire team, gg scrubs.

    It's actually very well written, which is doubly impressive seen as english isn't your first language. My only possible criticism would be that you can repeat yourself every now and then, things like "bare feet barely touching the ground" or the "bluish light of his morning star", but they're pretty minor.

  3. #3
    Basic Member xXSynXx's Avatar
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    this story, i like it
    "Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad."

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    Thanks!
    Actually I picked those heroes because there aren't many that can match Windrunners speed, and also their abilities would fit the most into what I wanted to happen. I do not think that Weaver would make as good an entrance as Balanar or Barathrum here! I also considered Slardar and/or Faceless, but I think this matchup is just fine.
    Yet, I intended to not restrict the story to only five heroes at each side of the river. Just imagine, like, the gates of hell opening, and only five dudes crawl out. Boring to read,and not very frightening.
    The intention was to make as many heroes as possible appear troughout the story, with fights on every lane and within the woods simultaneously. Those fights however would be limited to 5v5 at max to fit the games rules. I would however not let them get revived at the fountain, because in good stories, a hero deserves an honorable death!

  5. #5
    I love your story,very interesting
    Pls continue

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    i think you should have included some spell-usage from balanar. nightmare would have been predistined to create some tention imho.
    forgive me the lack of enthusiasm but fantasy novels arent exactly my cup of tea.
    Make sure to read the Forum Rules as well as the stickied Threads of the Forum Section you are posting in.

    Contributions i'd like to highlight:
    My Suggestion: Coaching System
    My Sticky: Intended Changes List
    My Challenge: Completely Fixed Hero Challenge: Skywrath Mage

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    Quote Originally Posted by blash365 View Post
    i think you should have included some spell-usage from balanar
    I did. "Darkness itself given her a blow to the head" was my description of Balanar using "Void" on her, since it hurts her and slows her down ;>
    I would really love to keep writing on DotA, but I also have a lot of studying to do and am also writing on a book that I actually may publish, unlike DotA In case Valve chances their mind, or me having a lot of spare-time, I will however try to keep writing on this story too.

  8. #8
    Basic Member LinoPaladino's Avatar
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    I started reading. I started to like it.
    but
    I stopped reading because the text formatting is annoying for the reader.

    It would be interesting if you put paragraphs, separated dialogues, placing bold, italic and so on.

  9. #9
    Basic Member MaxBeoulve's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LinoPaladino View Post
    I started reading. I started to like it.
    but
    I stopped reading because the text formatting is annoying for the reader.

    It would be interesting if you put paragraphs, separated dialogues, placing bold, italic and so on.
    Exactly. And I'm tired of reading so much "Lyralei" in the text that I'm starting to hate this name. No offense, the story is well written, just a few advices.

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    Thanks for the advice. I just copy&pasted it from the word-document where I had written it, but I can try to edit it in here so it looks better.
    Well, Lyralei is Windrunners actual name, while Windrunner is just a title. I felt a bit insecure as to what extend I should use the titles instead of the names, and I really liked the name "Lyralei" so I just hoped other readers would do too. Knowing that you don't, I can just use the titles in any chapters I will write from now on. :-)
    So please, go ahead and tell me anything you like and don't like about it. I already figured the DotA community would be very strict, but it'd be stupid of me not to listen to what you have to say!

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